Headstone and Grave Marker Protocols

Headstone and Grave Marker Protocols

INITIATION DRAFT — Ayaawx Law page explaining Tsm̱syen responsibilities around graves, headstones, memorials, and the public honouring of the deceased.

Core Principle

In Tsm̱syen ayaawx, graves and headstones are not merely markers — they are **public acknowledgements of lineage, honour (łoomsk), and House responsibility**. The protocols surrounding them protect the dignity of the deceased, their wilp, and the relationships tied to their life.

Headstones must be raised at the right time, in the right way, with the right witnesses.

Responsibility of the Wilp

The primary responsibility for a headstone or grave marker rests with the deceased’s **matrilineal House (wilp)**. They determine:

• timing,
• design,
• wording,
• ceremony,
• who speaks,
• and who witnesses.

Other Houses may assist, but they cannot override the host’s decisions.

Timing and Procedure

Traditionally, headstone work is connected to:

• the mourning period,
• the Soup Feast (formerly Smoke Feast),
• internal House discussions,
• and sometimes a formal li’ligit or luulgyit.

The placement of a headstone is **a declaration of completion**: the House has fulfilled its duties, the name has been properly handled, and witnesses acknowledge the final step of honouring.

Witnesses and Public Acknowledgement

As with all lawful work:

• witnesses confirm the truth of the event,
• proper acknowledgements show respect,
• errors or omissions risk damaging relationships.

A headstone raising without witnesses is incomplete under ayaawx.

Protocols Around Names and Wording

The House decides:

• which names appear,
• what titles or roles are acknowledged,
• how clan and crest information is represented,
• and whether any symbolic art is included.

Misrepresenting a name, crest, or lineage on a headstone is a serious breach of ayaawx.

Conduct at the Gravesite

Proper behaviour (wila waal) is required:

• no loud joking,
• no disrespectful speech,
• no conflict or unresolved tension,
• no rushing the work,
• no speaking out of turn.

The atmosphere should reflect **łoomsk** — honour and dignity.

Soup Feast Connection

Before raising a headstone, many Houses host a **Soup Feast**:

• to thank helpers,
• to review House responsibilities,
• to share memories,
• to teach youth,
• and to prepare for public acknowledgement.

This smaller feast stabilizes relationships and ensures the House is unified before the public step.

Gift Distribution

Some families include small-scale Gwiikxw to:

• honour those who supported the family,
• acknowledge witnesses,
• and close the work properly.

Distribution is not required, but when done, it follows the same respect rules as the larger feasts.

Behaviour After the Ceremony

The family and House members carry themselves with:

• dignity,
• respect,
• gratitude,
• and calmness.

Arguments or negative behaviour after a headstone raising reflect poorly on the wilp.

Modern Adaptations

Today, people may:

• use concrete or granite headstones,
• include English alongside Sm’algya̱x,
• follow cemetery regulations,
• involve church leaders if desired.

These adaptations do **not** replace ayaawx — they simply allow tradition to function in new settings.

When Protocol Is Broken

If a headstone is:

• raised without consulting the House,
• altered without permission,
• placed without proper discussion,
• or includes incorrect lineage information,

it may require:

• correction (ha’lidzap),
• a Soup Feast to mend relationships,
• or a formal apology from the responsible party.

Honouring the deceased means honouring the House and its law.

Notes

INITIATION DRAFT — This page will expand with teachings from matriarchs and House leaders on regional practice, lineage responsibilities, and variations across territories.